Layers of fear

By Cari Floyd

Lifeatstart.com reporter

It’s 11:00 on a Monday night. I’m laying on my bed starring at the ceiling waiting for my eyes to become heavy so I can slip off into a much needed sleep. I slowly begin to fall asleep when my friend Ava walks in my room & wakes me up. You see, Ava was known for asking way too many questions and bringing up odd situations at inappropriate times. She begins to ask me a million questions. “Did you lock the doors?” “Did you turn all the lights off?” “Did you lock your car doors?” I’m getting angry because all I want to do is go to sleep but she just wants to keep bugging me. Then, she begins to ask me about all those embarrassing and awkward moments I had in middle school like the time I tripped and fell in front of the whole class. These moments were years ago yet when Ava brings them up it feels as though it was just yesterday and it begins to embarrass me all over again.

I can see all the things I’ve ever done begin to come back to me as if they all just happened and I’m reliving them. I’m remembering dumb things I said and did when I was just a kid, like the time I told my brother I hated him. These unwanted memories begin to stress me out, even though they were years ago and the situations are irrelevant now. No matter how big or how small the situation was Ava makes me remember and makes me feel like I never want to show my face again. In reality, I’m the only one who remembers these things happening. I’m the only one that stresses about situations that are months or even years old. My old friend Ava’s real name is Anxiety. She makes me question everything under the moon. From the way I said “here” when the teacher was taking attendance to the things I say to people that I later regret because I should’ve said something else.

She paralyzes me with fear of the little things, like sitting at a stop light for too long. I hate how she worries me with things that aren’t worth worrying about. How she comes and reminds me of things that I don’t really want to remember. Everywhere I go, she’s goes too, following me like a lost puppy and asking a million questions. “What if something bad happens?” “Are they starring at you?” “Are they talking about you?” I hate her with everything in me but that never stops her from coming back.