Open letter to my father

Dear Dad,
It’s funny how I’m addressing this letter to you, like you’ll actually see it. You helped bring me into this world and you were supposed to do the best you could to give me a good life, but it seems like you never really tried. You always put up a front like you tried, but you didn’t. Along with me, you brought another five of my biggest blessings into the world, my siblings. You had four chances after me to get your life together, but you never did.

You always put yourself first never thinking of how bad you hurt your kids. You watched me scream in your face and let millions and millions of tears pour out of my eyes for you, but you never really cared. At seven years old I had to give up my whole child hood to take care of my siblings. I’m surprised that they can tell that I’m their sister and not their parent. You’ve always tried to convince me that I want to stay a child as long as I can, but the way you had me living, I didn’t even get that opportunity.

I’ve always dreamt of the day I turn 18, so I can leave and start a new life of mine, but you’ve put me in such a bad position that I still put myself last. I’ve been through so much that I don’t even want to leave the state because I’m afraid that something will happen when I’m away and that I won’t be here for the kids. It’s crazy because in a little over a year I will be 18. The sad part is, you always talk about how you know the day I turn 18 I’m going to leave and never come back, yet you still aren’t trying to change or make our relationship stronger.

My mom may not be innocent through this whole process, but at least she’s trying and she is showing effort. You never attended my basketball games, watched me cheer, wished me good luck on tests, watch me walk off to my first day of high school, nothing. Ever.

You always taught me to keep my head up but you were the one who brought it down. You told me to be humble but because of you I put my guard up. You always taught me to never let a boy break my heart, but how can you preach about that when you were the first one to do so? I just went through my first major heart break and you weren’t even there for me. You didn’t wipe my tears or hug me or tell me everything was going to be okay. You told me there would be others, like I didn’t already know that. I didn’t want you to rub it in my face I just wanted you to be a dad. You don’t even deserve that title, Dad. The worst part is, I hear many girls talking about how much easier life would’ve been if their dad was in there life. When I think of it though, I think that mine would’ve been easier if you would’ve left.

Every weekend I ball my eyes out because I have to leave my brother who is seven and going through the same exact thing I had to go through. Every second that I am away from him my heart breaks a little more. It was supposed to be different for him. He was supposed to live a good life. My sisters are going through it to, but at least we all have someone related to us to live with. He has no one dad. No one. Everyday he goes home alone. When he calls me on the phone he cries, but I bet you don’t care. Everyday I have to go back to a house that doesn’t even feel like home because not all of my family is there. I still love you though and every day I pray for you. I pray that you get better even though it’s highly impossible. I just wish you would change, but you won’t. Just promise me that you wont miss me when I’m gone, since you don’t miss me while I’m here.