Since 2014, life has beat me to near death, literally. I’m not going into details because I rarely speak on my pain or problems, but just know I got things going on. For me, this year was an eye opener because I realized it’s time for a change. A change in my environment, mindset and priorities. 2018 is preparation for 2019, when I’m truly in my prime. My father will have custody of me, I will be playing more than one sport, I will not be stressing over unnecessary stuff, I will be working, I will be in multiple educational programs, building a list of scholarships, and much more.
When this school year started, I said to myself, “Do what you want, get what you want and don’t ever let a soul come between you and what’s important.” I make this saying as a promise because I lost myself a few years ago. I was every word you could describe a depressed person. I tried to kill myself in 2017, that was my chance to leave, but it didn’t work.
Since then, I have been comfortable in my sadness. I told my little sister about being comfortable in depression, she knew it was wrong in so many ways. I didn’t care at the time but the more I thought about it, the more I made myself come to a conclusion of changing. I’m going to get through this long storm, I just need time.
What’s running through my veins is pain replaced with hope. Eventually, when everything is done, I can finally say, “I’m okay.” without lying. I’ve got something to prove to every person who doubted me, talked down to me, and hurt me in ways you wouldn’t want to hear about. I also have to prove to myself that happiness is still real. I accept myself and plan to improve. For now, I’m going to pray I get the peace I deserve. Amen.